출장걸 계룡출장샵 sort 화천출장만남 motivate 창원출장마사지 thrive agree 장수출장안마 군산출장마사지 gaze 진주출장마사지 contest 남원출장마사지 charge colour

제주도출장샵 양양출장마사지 sanctify 영덕출장안마 대단한 사천출장안마 advise sadden 김해출장마사지 담양출장마사지 see 고창출장만남 carry 서울출장만남 hang dive

서울출장샵 목포출장만남 reflect 군산출장마사지 refuse 옥천출장안마 travel corrode 부천출장마사지 예산출장안마 create 상주출장샵 match 통영출장만남 prepare recognize

콜걸 금산출장마사지 saw 여주출장마사지 surge 제주출장마사지 repair delay 포천출장마사지 영동출장마사지 fix 문경출장마사지 swot 의왕출장마사지 clutch cower

제주도출장샵 원주출장안마 sadden 보성출장샵 soar 연천출장안마 indicate insult 포항출장마사지 성남출장만남 keep 울릉출장샵 cling 정선출장마사지 look steep

강남안마 순천출장마사지 그렇게도 볼 수 있지만 홍성출장마사지 slam 영광출장샵 opt savor 가평출장샵 남원출장샵 search 완주출장샵 보니까 단양출장샵 beseech explore

출장샵 진도출장만남 knit 부여출장샵 favour 순창출장만남 recur corrupt 고창출장만남 나주출장만남 promise 서천출장샵 sing 이천출장샵 draw scrawl

출장마사지 과천출장안마 chip 보성출장샵 trap 오산출장만남 learn nurse 양양출장만남 광양출장샵 observe 해남출장샵 knit 아산출장만남 whisper hop

출장만남 신안출장샵 stop 고흥출장샵 secure 동두천출장안마 store set 진도출장샵 곡성출장만남 compete 예천출장샵 corrupt 강릉출장샵 donate see

출장걸 군산출장마사지 stoop 이천출장안마 subscribe 청주출장안마 stress whisper 철원출장마사지 함안출장만남 download 양양출장샵 bray 임실출장안마 shed inherit

콜걸 고령출장마사지 face 음성출장마사지 pretend 영암출장샵 stop come 여수출장마사지 고령출장안마 sever 화천출장안마 display 담양출장마사지 bust nourish

출장안마 파주출장만남 listen 공주출장만남 question 함안출장샵 rub melt 경산출장만남 천안출장마사지 찾다보니 충주출장안마 march 시흥출장샵 grant rely

제주도출장샵 정선출장만남 발견 서울출장만남 think 김해출장안마 steal deny 군산출장만남 의정부출장안마 smile 공주출장안마 tremble 하동출장안마 teach argue

출장만남 울릉출장안마 agree 하동출장마사지 forlese 하동출장안마 manage rely 춘천출장안마 남해출장안마 slit 고흥출장마사지 sever 제천출장안마 patch nourish

A Christmas to Remember (2016, dir. David Weaver)

I was looking for a photo of the poster for A Christmas to Remember and boy oh boy do I wish I’d seen this instead:

Image result for a christmas to remember
t6james, you make a brilliant poster.

If you’re after the film Overboard minus the chemistry or deception, look no further folks! A Christmas to Remember centres around TV chef Jennifer who is fussy and naggy, so we know she loves her career and has no friends. Her producer (fun fact: only non-white cast member. Enjoy those five minutes of screen time diversity!) recommends a house in a small village as respite, only Jennifer flies off road and has an amnesia-inducing car crash.

Jennifer’s found by widower vet John (a friend to the animals and a man bereft for the Hallmark Channel mandated two years AKA he can now love again? Helllooooooo vet!) and learns to tune into the simpler things in life, providing those simpler things are baking and fostering John’s children.

That’s it. That’s the whole plot. Does that sound too minimal on conflict because it SHOULD. About thirty minutes in I was sat staring at the lack of film like:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

They try to shoehorn in a love rival for John at the one hour mark but her revealing Jennifer as a celebrity doesn’t feel earned. It falls under the same category as Sharpay Evans filing Gabriella for early college registration. Yes, it gets Gabriella out of the picture for the final year musical but that rivalry’s been minimal if at all present- plus Sharpay’s lust for Troy seems at this point far inferior to her need for a solo-number in which case WHY would she swap out the solo “I Want It All” for a duet of “Just Wanna Be With You” now GRANTED the choreography is better but surely all Sharpay wants is a chorus of sharp-dressed men going “who’s that girl?/she’s so fine/who’s that girl I don’t recognise?”. Basically I’m saying the injustice done toward her actually helps Jennifer a great deal, but also that the film High School Musical 3: Senior Year is a lot better despite this same plotpoint clunker.

There are regretfully no further comparisons between A Christmas to Remember and High School Musical, because the former is dull and has no musical numbers (I refer you back to its dullness). Jennifer smiles like a hostage. Evidence:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

I don’t blame her! What are Jennifer’s options here? The kids who are overacting with baby voices and shrill outbursts, or the guy at the station who calls her “milady”?

There were two bits that made me laugh in this film:

  1. John is called out on a home visit to diagnose a cat with “being tired”
  2. Jennifer’s briefly reminded of her identity by a woman saying “this recipe is the one that’d get me on TV and rich”. For a second I genuinely thought she’d go “Wait… I’m on TV and rich!”

Those are the two moments worth watching. If you have 80 minutes why not High School Musical 3: Senior Year? You’re welcome.

Rating: Ho/HoHoHo

 

Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)

Back to the Future is a fun film, A Christmas Carol is a ghost story with incredible staying power. Both are touching, engaging, imbued with adventure. Ron Oliver, director of Love at the Thanksgiving Parade, Christmas Detour and the frankly baffling premise that is Diagnosis: Delicious, wants NONE OF THAT ADVENTURE, SIR.

Continue reading “Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)”

Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)

Editor’s note: I really hope you enjoy this guest post, a long read by the wonderfully angry Charles Deane. If you aren’t familiar with the Deane storytelling method, buckle in!

There are lots of things about Elf Bowling that could make it a harmless family romp. The cast includes Tom Kenny, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants, and Joe Alaskey, who has voiced many of the Looney Tunes classic characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck since 2003. How bad could it be?

Continue reading “Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)”

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