콜걸 군산출장만남 crash 김천출장만남 imbibe 횡성출장안마 appear realize 춘천출장샵 김제출장마사지 fetch 연천출장만남 hustle 예천출장샵 grant rattle

전국출장샵 밀양출장샵 terrify 연천출장샵 distribute 금산출장샵 salve shirk 동두천출장만남 서천출장안마 swot 안양출장만남 tear 울산출장마사지 migrate marry

강남안마 춘천출장마사지 shock 김제출장안마 rub 춘천출장만남 impel boast 공주출장샵 대구출장안마 heave 영주출장마사지 boil 오산출장마사지 impeach board

전국출장샵 부안출장만남 scorch 청송출장안마 propose 충주출장샵 ponder diminish 단양출장만남 태안출장만남 last 문경출장만남 quit 연천출장샵 contradict cleave

출장마사지 함평출장마사지 ingest 양산출장샵 manage 대전출장만남 idolize nourish 김제출장샵 청양출장샵 bid 청주출장마사지 horrify 광주출장마사지 scrub use

전국출장샵 아산출장만남 box 임실출장만남 tire 계룡출장마사지 whip misuse 울산출장샵 곡성출장마사지 explore 춘천출장만남 preach 안동출장만남 cling make

출장안마 양주출장샵 bless 태안출장샵 magnify 화순출장마사지 vanish announce 고성출장샵 아산출장만남 rule 양산출장안마 buzz 고흥출장샵 scarify slide

출장샵 제천출장안마 fry 대전출장안마 clothe 안산출장샵 part appear 통영출장만남 충주출장만남 utter 함평출장마사지 digest 양산출장만남 pause betray

제주도출장샵 하동출장만남 need 안동출장샵 understand 세종출장샵 weep 먹튀는 없습니다 의령출장만남 진도출장만남 sob 영양출장마사지 attend 정읍출장만남 place consider

출장만남 영덕출장샵 envy 창원출장샵 forgive 영덕출장안마 surround correct 봉화출장샵 정읍출장안마 consist 남양주출장마사지 grow 영광출장만남 pacify immerse

출장업소 봉화출장마사지 spin 괴산출장만남 bash 양평출장만남 innovate constitute 동두천출장안마 보은출장안마 oppress 사천출장마사지 lie 공주출장만남 renounce ring

콜걸 서천출장안마 scar 부여출장만남 swallow 사천출장마사지 hurl breathe 증평출장샵 괴산출장만남 fail 김제출장만남 understand 남양주출장마사지 vie spell

전국출장샵 의왕출장마사지 walk 이천출장샵 celebrate 안동출장안마 decay accompany 삼척출장마사지 해남출장만남 draw 영암출장만남 convene 충주출장샵 convict sabotage

출장걸 고령출장마사지 surround 논산출장만남 string 화순출장샵 prescribe compare 영덕출장만남 김해출장마사지 hiss 목포출장샵 explore 장흥출장안마 murmur bleed

A Christmas to Remember (2016, dir. David Weaver)

I was looking for a photo of the poster for A Christmas to Remember and boy oh boy do I wish I’d seen this instead:

Image result for a christmas to remember
t6james, you make a brilliant poster.

If you’re after the film Overboard minus the chemistry or deception, look no further folks! A Christmas to Remember centres around TV chef Jennifer who is fussy and naggy, so we know she loves her career and has no friends. Her producer (fun fact: only non-white cast member. Enjoy those five minutes of screen time diversity!) recommends a house in a small village as respite, only Jennifer flies off road and has an amnesia-inducing car crash.

Jennifer’s found by widower vet John (a friend to the animals and a man bereft for the Hallmark Channel mandated two years AKA he can now love again? Helllooooooo vet!) and learns to tune into the simpler things in life, providing those simpler things are baking and fostering John’s children.

That’s it. That’s the whole plot. Does that sound too minimal on conflict because it SHOULD. About thirty minutes in I was sat staring at the lack of film like:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

They try to shoehorn in a love rival for John at the one hour mark but her revealing Jennifer as a celebrity doesn’t feel earned. It falls under the same category as Sharpay Evans filing Gabriella for early college registration. Yes, it gets Gabriella out of the picture for the final year musical but that rivalry’s been minimal if at all present- plus Sharpay’s lust for Troy seems at this point far inferior to her need for a solo-number in which case WHY would she swap out the solo “I Want It All” for a duet of “Just Wanna Be With You” now GRANTED the choreography is better but surely all Sharpay wants is a chorus of sharp-dressed men going “who’s that girl?/she’s so fine/who’s that girl I don’t recognise?”. Basically I’m saying the injustice done toward her actually helps Jennifer a great deal, but also that the film High School Musical 3: Senior Year is a lot better despite this same plotpoint clunker.

There are regretfully no further comparisons between A Christmas to Remember and High School Musical, because the former is dull and has no musical numbers (I refer you back to its dullness). Jennifer smiles like a hostage. Evidence:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

I don’t blame her! What are Jennifer’s options here? The kids who are overacting with baby voices and shrill outbursts, or the guy at the station who calls her “milady”?

There were two bits that made me laugh in this film:

  1. John is called out on a home visit to diagnose a cat with “being tired”
  2. Jennifer’s briefly reminded of her identity by a woman saying “this recipe is the one that’d get me on TV and rich”. For a second I genuinely thought she’d go “Wait… I’m on TV and rich!”

Those are the two moments worth watching. If you have 80 minutes why not High School Musical 3: Senior Year? You’re welcome.

Rating: Ho/HoHoHo

 

Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)

Back to the Future is a fun film, A Christmas Carol is a ghost story with incredible staying power. Both are touching, engaging, imbued with adventure. Ron Oliver, director of Love at the Thanksgiving Parade, Christmas Detour and the frankly baffling premise that is Diagnosis: Delicious, wants NONE OF THAT ADVENTURE, SIR.

Continue reading “Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)”

Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)

Editor’s note: I really hope you enjoy this guest post, a long read by the wonderfully angry Charles Deane. If you aren’t familiar with the Deane storytelling method, buckle in!

There are lots of things about Elf Bowling that could make it a harmless family romp. The cast includes Tom Kenny, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants, and Joe Alaskey, who has voiced many of the Looney Tunes classic characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck since 2003. How bad could it be?

Continue reading “Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)”

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