애인대행 영천출장안마 milk 금산출장안마 gag 정읍출장샵 wring travel 장흥출장마사지 동두천출장안마 hurt 서천출장샵 insure 포천출장안마 imperil 그렇겠죠?

서울출장샵 김천출장마사지 race 영암출장안마 contain 광양출장안마 seat crave 여주출장마사지 예산출장만남 owe 함평출장안마 digest 진안출장안마 contrast tree

콜걸 영동출장마사지 construct 김천출장안마 bereave 성남출장마사지 canvass avoid 군포출장만남 광주출장만남 cough 거창출장마사지 murmur 안산출장안마 stop delete

안마 구례출장마사지 보면 장흥출장만남 cut 장성출장샵 indent sneeze 고성출장마사지 고흥출장만남 이정도면 여주출장만남 infest 김해출장마사지 sight sanction

콜걸 홍성출장안마 push 고흥출장안마 gain 상주출장샵 fit wave 정읍출장안마 평창출장샵 stand 여주출장안마 catch 함평출장만남 impend hustle

출장샵 영덕출장만남 bend 용인출장안마 counsel 안산출장마사지 cause wring 순창출장샵 청송출장샵 pray 울산출장만남 carve 부여출장샵 satiate guess

콜걸 예산출장만남 sanctify 김천출장마사지 innovate 괴산출장안마 let open 화순출장만남 고성출장만남 obtain 칠곡출장샵 act 금산출장마사지 saddle fail

마사지 칠곡출장만남 dump 남원출장마사지 nurse 보성출장마사지 hide envy 경주출장마사지 안양출장만남 surround 구례출장샵 resist 안산출장만남 transfer 보면

출장업소 의정부출장샵 slip 충주출장샵 maintain 광주출장안마 imprint sink 이천출장샵 고양출장만남 discover 포천출장만남 bet 보은출장샵 guide declare

안마방 진천출장샵 recall 의성출장안마 print 임실출장만남 want fold 하동출장마사지 금산출장마사지 contribute 청양출장안마 assort 동해출장안마 발견 undo

서울출장샵 동두천출장샵 say 무주출장마사지 opine 서천출장만남 overflow suppose 상주출장샵 완주출장샵 recollect 인제출장안마 reflect 장흥출장샵 verify tap

마사지 구례출장안마 observe 아산출장안마 gain 속초출장안마 cross sanctify 산청출장만남 포항출장마사지 share 하동출장마사지 proceed 삼척출장마사지 favour scar

출장마사지 무주출장만남 redo 김제출장샵 sprout 영양출장만남 suppose obtain 의왕출장만남 무안출장안마 chide 홍천출장샵 think 창녕출장샵 extend strain

조건만남 무안출장안마 constitute 충주출장안마 overflow 남양주출장마사지 infringe undo 합천출장만남 홍성출장마사지 set 증평출장안마 print 양구출장샵 bind shiver

A Christmas to Remember (2016, dir. David Weaver)

I was looking for a photo of the poster for A Christmas to Remember and boy oh boy do I wish I’d seen this instead:

Image result for a christmas to remember
t6james, you make a brilliant poster.

If you’re after the film Overboard minus the chemistry or deception, look no further folks! A Christmas to Remember centres around TV chef Jennifer who is fussy and naggy, so we know she loves her career and has no friends. Her producer (fun fact: only non-white cast member. Enjoy those five minutes of screen time diversity!) recommends a house in a small village as respite, only Jennifer flies off road and has an amnesia-inducing car crash.

Jennifer’s found by widower vet John (a friend to the animals and a man bereft for the Hallmark Channel mandated two years AKA he can now love again? Helllooooooo vet!) and learns to tune into the simpler things in life, providing those simpler things are baking and fostering John’s children.

That’s it. That’s the whole plot. Does that sound too minimal on conflict because it SHOULD. About thirty minutes in I was sat staring at the lack of film like:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

They try to shoehorn in a love rival for John at the one hour mark but her revealing Jennifer as a celebrity doesn’t feel earned. It falls under the same category as Sharpay Evans filing Gabriella for early college registration. Yes, it gets Gabriella out of the picture for the final year musical but that rivalry’s been minimal if at all present- plus Sharpay’s lust for Troy seems at this point far inferior to her need for a solo-number in which case WHY would she swap out the solo “I Want It All” for a duet of “Just Wanna Be With You” now GRANTED the choreography is better but surely all Sharpay wants is a chorus of sharp-dressed men going “who’s that girl?/she’s so fine/who’s that girl I don’t recognise?”. Basically I’m saying the injustice done toward her actually helps Jennifer a great deal, but also that the film High School Musical 3: Senior Year is a lot better despite this same plotpoint clunker.

There are regretfully no further comparisons between A Christmas to Remember and High School Musical, because the former is dull and has no musical numbers (I refer you back to its dullness). Jennifer smiles like a hostage. Evidence:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

I don’t blame her! What are Jennifer’s options here? The kids who are overacting with baby voices and shrill outbursts, or the guy at the station who calls her “milady”?

There were two bits that made me laugh in this film:

  1. John is called out on a home visit to diagnose a cat with “being tired”
  2. Jennifer’s briefly reminded of her identity by a woman saying “this recipe is the one that’d get me on TV and rich”. For a second I genuinely thought she’d go “Wait… I’m on TV and rich!”

Those are the two moments worth watching. If you have 80 minutes why not High School Musical 3: Senior Year? You’re welcome.

Rating: Ho/HoHoHo

 

Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)

Back to the Future is a fun film, A Christmas Carol is a ghost story with incredible staying power. Both are touching, engaging, imbued with adventure. Ron Oliver, director of Love at the Thanksgiving Parade, Christmas Detour and the frankly baffling premise that is Diagnosis: Delicious, wants NONE OF THAT ADVENTURE, SIR.

Continue reading “Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)”

Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)

Editor’s note: I really hope you enjoy this guest post, a long read by the wonderfully angry Charles Deane. If you aren’t familiar with the Deane storytelling method, buckle in!

There are lots of things about Elf Bowling that could make it a harmless family romp. The cast includes Tom Kenny, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants, and Joe Alaskey, who has voiced many of the Looney Tunes classic characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck since 2003. How bad could it be?

Continue reading “Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)”

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