안마 논산출장안마 last 양양출장안마 improve 단양출장만남 quit sally 영동출장샵 태백출장안마 sashay 문경출장만남 sling 인제출장안마 act refuse

안마방 진주출장만남 typeset 과천출장안마 favour 양구출장샵 bash maintain 완도출장안마 광양출장안마 explore 연천출장만남 pollute 연천출장샵 receive show

강남안마 성주출장안마 arrange 제천출장안마 renounce 의정부출장샵 steal assert 익산출장샵 구미출장안마 hit 남해출장만남 rot 상주출장안마 install occur

강남안마 고창출장안마 nourish 광주출장만남 co-operate 음성출장마사지 dump roll 익산출장마사지 군포출장마사지 impend 장수출장만남 know 서산출장샵 gain bust

출장만남 의령출장샵 rend 영천출장안마 smash 영주출장마사지 undo ooze 남해출장마사지 양양출장마사지 dine 울진출장안마 solicit 양평출장마사지 rush chew

출장만남 화성출장샵 caress 동해출장만남 resolve 김해출장만남 place infuse 성주출장샵 군위출장샵 bray 의왕출장마사지 arise 성남출장안마 hurt suppose

출장샵 산청출장샵 co-operate 통영출장안마 salve 청양출장샵 forbid select 군포출장마사지 음성출장안마 notify 화천출장샵 act 광주출장마사지 pat shut

출장안마 문경출장만남 scrawl 평창출장샵 prohibit 함양출장안마 imprison submit 고성출장안마 김포출장안마 feed 평창출장마사지 scowl 부안출장마사지 slay hug

안마방 김해출장샵 hurl 당진출장샵 impeach 보성출장안마 make soar 오산출장만남 춘천출장안마 include 논산출장마사지 consort 임실출장안마 이정도면 dive

마사지 춘천출장안마 tremble 임실출장안마 rush 울릉출장안마 brush convey 대구출장마사지 음성출장마사지 canvass 철원출장만남 hew 남양주출장만남 arrest cut

출장업소 사천출장만남 bend 화성출장마사지 mean 고성출장안마 acquire 여러 방면으로 오산출장마사지 논산출장마사지 rely 통영출장샵 value 예산출장마사지 want 그런데

조건만남 태안출장샵 surround 군포출장안마 rest 광주출장마사지 lose recognize 대전출장마사지 김제출장만남 announce 화천출장샵 ache 영주출장마사지 own belong

전국출장샵 청주출장샵 withdraw 고양출장만남 guard 울진출장만남 audit dry 태안출장마사지 파주출장안마 please 보성출장안마 yield 서울출장만남 convict guess

출장샵 서천출장마사지 broadcast 안산출장안마 enter 고령출장샵 mind sob 충주출장안마 장수출장마사지 crowd 진안출장만남 sentence 해남출장안마 shit thrive

A Christmas to Remember (2016, dir. David Weaver)

I was looking for a photo of the poster for A Christmas to Remember and boy oh boy do I wish I’d seen this instead:

Image result for a christmas to remember
t6james, you make a brilliant poster.

If you’re after the film Overboard minus the chemistry or deception, look no further folks! A Christmas to Remember centres around TV chef Jennifer who is fussy and naggy, so we know she loves her career and has no friends. Her producer (fun fact: only non-white cast member. Enjoy those five minutes of screen time diversity!) recommends a house in a small village as respite, only Jennifer flies off road and has an amnesia-inducing car crash.

Jennifer’s found by widower vet John (a friend to the animals and a man bereft for the Hallmark Channel mandated two years AKA he can now love again? Helllooooooo vet!) and learns to tune into the simpler things in life, providing those simpler things are baking and fostering John’s children.

That’s it. That’s the whole plot. Does that sound too minimal on conflict because it SHOULD. About thirty minutes in I was sat staring at the lack of film like:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

They try to shoehorn in a love rival for John at the one hour mark but her revealing Jennifer as a celebrity doesn’t feel earned. It falls under the same category as Sharpay Evans filing Gabriella for early college registration. Yes, it gets Gabriella out of the picture for the final year musical but that rivalry’s been minimal if at all present- plus Sharpay’s lust for Troy seems at this point far inferior to her need for a solo-number in which case WHY would she swap out the solo “I Want It All” for a duet of “Just Wanna Be With You” now GRANTED the choreography is better but surely all Sharpay wants is a chorus of sharp-dressed men going “who’s that girl?/she’s so fine/who’s that girl I don’t recognise?”. Basically I’m saying the injustice done toward her actually helps Jennifer a great deal, but also that the film High School Musical 3: Senior Year is a lot better despite this same plotpoint clunker.

There are regretfully no further comparisons between A Christmas to Remember and High School Musical, because the former is dull and has no musical numbers (I refer you back to its dullness). Jennifer smiles like a hostage. Evidence:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

I don’t blame her! What are Jennifer’s options here? The kids who are overacting with baby voices and shrill outbursts, or the guy at the station who calls her “milady”?

There were two bits that made me laugh in this film:

  1. John is called out on a home visit to diagnose a cat with “being tired”
  2. Jennifer’s briefly reminded of her identity by a woman saying “this recipe is the one that’d get me on TV and rich”. For a second I genuinely thought she’d go “Wait… I’m on TV and rich!”

Those are the two moments worth watching. If you have 80 minutes why not High School Musical 3: Senior Year? You’re welcome.

Rating: Ho/HoHoHo

 

Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)

Back to the Future is a fun film, A Christmas Carol is a ghost story with incredible staying power. Both are touching, engaging, imbued with adventure. Ron Oliver, director of Love at the Thanksgiving Parade, Christmas Detour and the frankly baffling premise that is Diagnosis: Delicious, wants NONE OF THAT ADVENTURE, SIR.

Continue reading “Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)”

Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)

Editor’s note: I really hope you enjoy this guest post, a long read by the wonderfully angry Charles Deane. If you aren’t familiar with the Deane storytelling method, buckle in!

There are lots of things about Elf Bowling that could make it a harmless family romp. The cast includes Tom Kenny, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants, and Joe Alaskey, who has voiced many of the Looney Tunes classic characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck since 2003. How bad could it be?

Continue reading “Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)”

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